Hemphrey Bogart
Member
A man owned a small farm in Ireland. The Irish Government Wage & Hours Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.
I pay him 200 Euros a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 Euros per week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 Euros per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
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Not good enough? Ok, try this one on then:
A husband and his wife are in bed when there is a knock at the door. The husband rolls over and looks at his clock-it's 3:30 a.m. He drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
When he opens the door, there is a drunk slumped there. "Hi-Ya." Slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"
Get lost," says the man. "It's half-past three."
He slams the door and goes back up to bed. He tells his wife about the drunk. She says, "Honey, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain and you had to knock on that man's door? What would have happened if he told us to get lost?"
So, the husband gets back out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and calls out, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
A voice answers, "Yes please."
"Where are you?" calls the man.
The stranger replies, "I'm over here on your swing set."
HB.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.
I pay him 200 Euros a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 Euros per week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 Euros per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
____________________________________________________________________________
Not good enough? Ok, try this one on then:
A husband and his wife are in bed when there is a knock at the door. The husband rolls over and looks at his clock-it's 3:30 a.m. He drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
When he opens the door, there is a drunk slumped there. "Hi-Ya." Slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"
Get lost," says the man. "It's half-past three."
He slams the door and goes back up to bed. He tells his wife about the drunk. She says, "Honey, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain and you had to knock on that man's door? What would have happened if he told us to get lost?"
So, the husband gets back out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and calls out, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
A voice answers, "Yes please."
"Where are you?" calls the man.
The stranger replies, "I'm over here on your swing set."
HB.
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