Joke thread

  • Thread starter Thread starter noshow
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i went the doctors cos i heard voices comming from my pants, he told me it was nothing to worry about they was just talkin bollox

i went back the following week with a steering wheel attached to my pants and the doc asked what happened this time, i said i dunno but it was drivin me nuts
 
this virgin died and went to hell.when he got there the devil told him he has 4 different hells to pick from.the first hell was the typical burning we hear about growing up.the virgin denied that hell.the second hell was you being tortured in the most gruesome ways.he denied that hell.the virgin asked the devil damn you dont got something a little bit less scary or painful.the devil said i got some thing right up you alley.the next hell was this guy getting the meanest blow job ever.the girl giving the blow job was like a super model with the body and face of an angel.the virgin said this is more like it i like your style devil.i will take this hell.the devil grinned and said as you wish.he told the girl to get up she has a replacement:d
 
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thanks guys

Hi All,

Appreciate the jokes. Really needed the funnies today. Best to you all...Ns
 
2 pubic hairs on a toilet seat,
one hair turns to the other and says' How long are you staying here?
'Till i get pissed off' replied the other
 
Mr Mojo...lol

Mr Mojo...,

Love the pube joke...lol Bring on more if you have them.
Thank you kindly...Ns
 
I bought an Advent Calender from The Jehovas Witnesses today....





.... Every time you open a door on it, someone tells you to Fuck off !!
 
Fred and Ethel were hit hard by the recession,and one day Fred said to Ethel, "honey, i think the only thing to do is sell your ass on the street."

Ethel, being the dutiful wife said, "well i don't know Fred, how does it work?"

Fred, glad she was on board said, "easy, you just stand on the street corner and when a guy drives by and asks you how much, tell him $100 for sex. i'll be waiting down the block."

later that evening Ethel's first customer pulls up and asks how much? "$100 for sex", says Ethel. "All i got is $50, what will you do for that?" says the guy. "hang on, i'll be right back", says Ethel and trots down the block to Fred

"all he has is $50. what should i tell him?" she asks. "Tell him $50 will get him a blowjob," says Fred

Ethel trots back up the street and tells the guy who says ok. so she gets in his car and he unzips his pants and pulls out a huge dick. "hang on, i'll be right back." says Ethel and trots down the block to Fred.
"what now?" asks Fred

" can we loan this guy $50?" says Ethel
 
USED CAR FOR SALE
1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
Only 15 km on the odometer! Only first gear and reverse used (to and from work).
Used only in Newfoundland, never driven hard. Original tires, original brakes, original fuel and oil.
Only 1 driver. Owner wishing to sell due to employment loss. See photo below



lightshipcarforsa.gif
 
There was a young man named mc bass
who had two big balls made of brass
when they clanged together
they played stormy weather
and lightning shot out of his arse
:D
 
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