Joke thread

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A man goes on a date with a beautiful woman and asks her:

Man: "What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?"

Woman: ".... uhm I dunno...."





do you know it?
 
Toskan said:
A man goes on a date with a beautiful woman and asks her:

Man: "What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?"

Woman: ".... uhm I dunno...."





do you know it?
Click to expand...




"you can’t peanut butter your dick up someone’s ass."
 
Hi

What do you see when the pillsbury dough boy bends over?








Dough-nutz...
 
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
 
joshuahazen said:
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
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This is not a joke but that reminds me of something that I once said. When I was 19 I went to a friend's family lake house in Southeastern Michigan. It was a rare time when pot was scarce in our area and my last crop had run out so my friend and I were 'without.' One rainy Saturday night when we couldn't go fishing or even just get high and sit around we got the bright idea of going to one of the only places in the rural area where we could get a few drinks, so we went bowling.

We got very drunk and when the place closed for the night we decided to go to the one bar in the area for a few more drinks. On the way home we were stopped and both ended up spending the night in the gray bar motel, me for driving while blind and my friend for drunk and disorderly because he made the mistake of getting out of my car to try to convince the State troopers into letting us go because were were only about a half mile from the entrance to the private road leading to his families home.

The next morning as a trooper walked us to court he said that I had to know I was very drunk and asked me why I still decided to drive. I said; "I had too drive, I was too drunk to walk." Much to my surprise he actually laughed. Maybe not with me and instead at me, but still he laughed.
 
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How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one ......... but it takes the entire emergency room staff to remove it.
 
A young boy catches his parents shagging.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"We trying to make you a little brother or sister" the mom replies

"dad, turn mom over & do her doggie style, I want a puppy instead."
 
Q. What do you call a woman with 1 leg shorter than the other?
A. Eileen!!!!

2 snowmen are standing in the snow together, 1 turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots?!"
 
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
 
Fen Fatale said:
Q. What do you call a woman with 1 leg shorter than the other?
A. Eileen!!!!
Click to expand...

I went to a disco last night,They played the 'Twist',I did the twist.They played 'jump',I jumped.They played 'Come on Eileen',I Got kicked out of the club after that one..
 
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