Joke thread

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G`day noshow
Ok A family of naturists were taking their first trip to the nudist beach .Mum Dad and a young boy . So they arrive at the beach and get settled ; Mum on her towel sun baking ,Dad beach combing and the boy making a sand castle . Shortly the boy runs up to his Mum and says "Mum! Mum ! I just saw a lady with enormous breasts !" His mother calmly explained "Son the bigger they are the dumber they are ok ?" The boy went back to his sand castle construction .Soon he was back at the towel "Mum ! Mum !" I just saw a man whith an enourmous penis ! Mother didn`t stir "The bigger they are the dumber they are " A little while passed and then the boy was back "Mum MUM ! I just saw Dad talkin to a really dumb woman and the longer they talked the dumber Dad got !"
Thanks for Sharin
Elmer Bud .
 
Elmer Bud said:
G`day noshow
Ok A family of naturists were taking their first trip to the nudist beach .Mum Dad and a young boy . So they arrive at the beach and get settled ; Mum on her towel sun baking ,Dad beach combing and the boy making a sand castle . Shortly the boy runs up to his Mum and says "Mum! Mum ! I just saw a lady with enormous breasts !" His mother calmly explained "Son the bigger they are the dumber they are ok ?" The boy went back to his sand castle construction .Soon he was back at the towel "Mum ! Mum !" I just saw a man whith an enourmous penis ! Mother didn`t stir "The bigger they are the dumber they are " A little while passed and then the boy was back "Mum MUM ! I just saw Dad talkin to a really dumb woman and the longer they talked the dumber Dad got !"
Thanks for Sharin
Elmer Bud .
Click to expand...

lol...thats funny
 
G`day noshow
Is everyone familiar with rule 34 no exceptions ?

Generally accepted internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject. Additionally it is accepted that the rule itself has limitations and you cannot be too specific on the content of the item in question. Most commonly used on various message boards for various reasons, from humor to cruelty.
I invoke rule 34 on the Rescue Rangers. What have I done.


2.
If it exists, there is porn of it.
I posted a picture on /b/. I rule 34'd it. Dear God.
rule 34 4chan /b/ random porn

3.
Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.
Can I get sum Rule 34 on Captain Planet?

4.
If it exsists, there is a porn of it, if there isn't there will be, there is NO exception to this rule as of now.

You cannot be 100% specific about this rule.
I saw a rule 34 of Scooby Doo - Correct.
I saw a rule 34 of Micky Mouse and Optimus Prime - Wrong.
(Please note, since I have suggested the second example, it is now being worked on by Insane Japanese Hentai Anmiation Artists)

5.
If an object can be conjectured, there is porn made of it. If not, then porn will be made of it as soon as someone hears what you are looking for. (see rule 34-B)

Known exceptions are:
Rule 34 itself. You cannot rule 34, rule 34.
Also, abstract ideas may not be rule 34'd, it must be a concrete object or be representable as one.
I call rule 34 on existentialism *wtf*
i
6.
"There is porn of it. No exceptions."
True for any movie, game, character, etc. that you can think of, and some you can't.


7.
Rule 34 is an internet rule that basically means if it exists, porn or anything connected to porn about it will exist
My childhood was smashed before my eyes when i saw spondebob rule 34'd. Why god, why?
And a cpl of examples

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OK thats all for now folks .
Thanks for sharin
Elmer Bud .
 
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hope ur well noshow

A taliban deserter is dying from lack of water in the desert.
when he comes across a jewish market stall holder
selling ties,,the taliban says have u got any water,,
no said the jewish man,but would u like to a tie for £10
f..k off said the taliban i need water.i shud kill u but
i need to drink first,,jewish man says i will rise above
your bad behaviour and tell u will find water,if u walk
for 2miles towards the sun u will find a restraunt were
they serve cold water free of charge,off the taliban goes
after 5hrs he comes back nearly dead and says u bastard
ur brother wont let me in without a tie......kaos
 
At the National Art Gallery in Cardiff, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench.

Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink one.

The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink Willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, a Welshman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.

"Because I'm the boyo who painted it!" he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Welsh miners. Him in the middle went home for lunch."
 
Hi

Hi Guys,

Feeling better, and thank you all for the funny jokes. The one liners, and on up. All good, and funny. Be well thank you...Ns
 
The Story Of Penis Von Lesbian

Many years ago a pianist was playing in small clubs, after playing 1 night he was approached by an agent that said he liked the music & asked the male pianist his name, Penis Von Lesbian the man replied, the agent explained that this name was no good for a stage name & that he wouldnt be able to book him for any work, the agent suggested a name change

Years later the same agent was in vegas & in 1 of the bigger clubs, as the agent sat down he spotted the pianist playing the piano & approached him

Agent; hi, do u remember me?

Pianist; sure, you're that agent that gave me some great advice about the name change, you know since i followed your advice & changed my name my career has just taken off like a rocket

Agent; that's great, i'm really pleased for you, so what's your working name now?

Pianist; Dick Van Dyke
 
Long but worth while

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fuckin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a cunt!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'cunt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a cunt!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "cunt" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said," Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a cunt!"

One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first cunt (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover cunt, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."

"Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a cunt!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea. I called cunt #1.

"Hello?"

"You're a cunt!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Steve Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"I live at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, cunt," and hung up.

Then I called cunt #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, cunt," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll do what?" I said.

"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

"Well, cunt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street , Ilford.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street . I got there just in time to watch two cunts beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.

Now I feel MUCH better.
 
Man sits next to a guy with a dog on a plane and asks,
"Is he a guide dog ?"
"No, I'm a drugs officer, this is my sniffer dog, watch this." and says to the sniffer dog. "Search."
The sniffer doggoes off, comes back and puts 1 paw on the officers lap.
"Heroin", the guy says and makes a note of the passenger.
He sends the dog off again and on it's return it puts 2 paws on the officers lap.
"Coke", he replies, and sends the dog off once more.
The dog returns the third time and shits all over the floor.
"Whats that then ?" the man asks,
"He's found a fucking bomb"




Adam and Eve finish making love so Eve washes her fanny in the river. God sees this and asks her what she's doing.
"Washing my fanny" she says.
"You dirty bitch" says God, "All the fucking fish will smell like that now"
 
Hi al

You guys got me smiling good. Thank you so much. When I feel a tad better. I will be dropping some good one in the thread here. Be well...Ns
 
slippin the jab

G`day noshow
eu7ej.gif


This is an outdoor MMA event notice the referee is wearing a rain poncho lol .
Looks kinda fun . Till ya wake up next mornin !
Thanks for sharin
Elmer Bud .
 
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