Joke thread

superfriends

Hi All, Thanks for the laughs. Here is one for you all...

Superman is flying around the city. He sees Wonderwoman laying on top of a building naked.

He flys around a bit thinking to himself. Man I could fly down there, and get a piece. No one would ever know, cause I am so fast.

So he flies over there, and humps Wonderwoman so fast. He finished so quick, and flied away.

Wonderwoman says..."What the hell was that?"

To which the invisible man replies...I don't know, but my arsehole sure hurts...
 
0 to 200 in 6 seconds

0 to 200 in 6 seconds​

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that go from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, She looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She open it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
Click to expand...


http://0-to-200-in-6-seconds.funnypart.com/

MT
 
G`day noshow
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Thanks for sharin
Elmer Bud .
 
Good one NoShow. LOL.


Three friends made a bet with one another to see who could make their wife scream the longest in bed. So they all went home to have sex and meet the next day. The first man says "I licked my wife out for 30 minutes and she was screaming about 20 of them". The second man said "That's nothing, I slept with mine and she was screaming at least a half an hour". The third man says "You think that's bad, I slept with mine for 10 minutes and wiped my dick on the curtains and she's still screaming!"
 
Thank you Josh

Hi All,

Good jokes so far. I am sure they have helped more than me. Thanks josh as I could also say you have had some good ones also. Keep 'em coming guys and gals. I'll have a few more in a moment. I just want to make sure I rem them correctly...Ns
 
elmer

Veggie Porn...Hahaha Good one...Ns

My memory can be toast when medicated. I know I still have some good ones somewhere in there. Be well all...Ns
 
An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always
fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be
in the bloody boat.
 
A man walks into a pharmacist and asks the man behind the counter for a pack of 3 condoms.

"I think I'll be needing all of these tonight" he boasts. "I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I'm sure her sister and mother want me ...as well"

That night he sits down at the table with the 3 ladies. When the father comes in and sits down, the man immediately bows his head down low and begins saying grace. The praying goes on for 15 minutes, his head bowing lower all the time. The girlfriend leans over and says,

"I didn't know you were religious."

he replies,

"I didn't know your dad was a fucking pharmacist!
 
My girlfreind finished with me last night.

She said I was too kinky in the bedroom.


I nearly choked on her piss when she told me
 
A man in the hospital panics when he shits the bed, he throws the sheets out of the window, they land on a drunk passer by,who fights furiously to get himself free of the foul sheets.

A policeman approaches and asks the drunk what hes doing?.

Drunk replies;

"I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"
 
Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says to the other, "Ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."
 
Two Gay guys were walking down the street when they saw a old dog laying in the sun licking himself..One says to the other I sure wish I could do That...The other says well you better see if you can Pet him first!!
 
damn

That last one was fuggin funny...I wish I could tell some I have, but some may not like them. Keep them coming guys. Good jokes all around...Oh I think I have one..


A girl went to the Dr. She says Doc what is wrong with me? I can't seem to get a date. I have not had sex in 5 years. So the doc starts to examine here. He tell her to lift up her shirt. She does, and he feels her tits. They are fine. He thinks a bit, and then says take off your pants. He feels around her privates, and ass. Everything seems fine he says. Then he has a brilliant idea. He say to the lady. Wait...Try bending over, and looking back at me from under your legs. So she does as requested, and the Dr says. I know what is your problem. You have actley syndrome. What is exacterly sysndrome she says. He says your face look exaclty like your ass...Hahaha Bad Joke...Ns
 
Wife says to husband
do u like my new stockings
there fishnets...
husand replies,reel them in love
smells like u caught something
 
After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire.
"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?"
 
all good

All good jokes guys thank you for the laughs, and always keep them coming...Ns
 
Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class. "Let's set some parameters," the professor said. "What's the opposite of joy?" he asked one student.
"Sadness," he replied.
"The opposite of depression?" he asked another student.
"Elation," he replied.
"The opposite of woe?" the prof asked a young woman from Texas.
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup."
 
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