Joke thread

  • Thread starter Thread starter noshow
  • Start date Start date
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget
 
ha ha I am laughing because I have no idea what this picture is about. I have never seen that movie and don't have the slightest clue as to who the two people are, yet it is still funny! I guess laughter is the 2nd best medicine to @Ken Abbis!
I am guessing it is supposed to be me in the upper picture and Ken Abbis in the lower picture?
Longball
 
longball said:
ha ha I am laughing because I have no idea what this picture is about. I have never seen that movie and don't have the slightest clue as to who the two people are, yet it is still funny! I guess laughter is the 2nd best medicine to @Ken Abbis!
I am guessing it is supposed to be me in the upper picture and Ken Abbis in the lower picture?
Longball
Click to expand...

its from the movie "dumb and dumber"... replaced jim carey's face with mark suckerberg because he smells like a turd
 
@Ken Abbis said: "mark suckerberg because he smells like a turd"


Oh yeah, that's the guy who says that you can pick up a turd by the clean end! I don't believe that it can be done as turds obey the Laws of Physics. For example, Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation says that a turd will roll downhill. I ain't never seen a turd roll uphill, have you? I think I will unfriend that turd, suckerberg!

@crazyhorse73 : "There seems to be some questions about the validity of Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation when it comes to Black Holes in the Universe, Sir."
Ken Abbis: "Has anyone ever dropped a turd into a Black Hole?"
Longball, looking sheepishly down at his feet: "Umm, ahh, will this go on my permanent record?"

Longball
 
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musashi said:
Birds of a feather?
Click to expand...
Like too much colloidal silver will turn one yellow, too much ginger beer will turn ones hair ginger and make them mad !
I heard through the ganjavine that skid-mark suckerberg has successfully abstained from consumption of ginger beer since the making of that mad magazine and is now consuming adrenochrome and his hair has returned to that resembled in his star role appearance in dumb and dumber and dumbest.

longball said:
For example, Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation says that a turd will roll downhill. I ain't never seen a turd roll uphill, have you?
Longball
Click to expand...

Never seen a turd roll a pill but i have seen a few turds roll a doobie

Del's funky shout out to skid-mark suckerturd

Del tha funkee homosapien - If you must

crazyhorse73 said:
Now, it may seem that there are no lessons here, but there are. In fact, there are three:

1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. If you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.
Click to expand...

Lesson 4: Think about it profoundly, don't be a fucking dumb sparrow !
 
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@Ken Abbis said: "No shit, it does help ! Shit, it don't help !"

Dang, I come here to say that! You beat me to it!
No feet grows under your grass, Ken Abbis!

Longball
 
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