Joke thread

Smokin Moose

New member
The Two Aliens

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was
closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the
younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in
peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again,
there was no response.

Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said
gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your
leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't
want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and
opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared
towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a
burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked
dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his
big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn
near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy
friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my
intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis
over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'
 

noshow

Well-known member
Laughter

I don't laugh to much, but got a good chuckle from that one Moose. It has been a longtime, but I've hears that before. Damn funny joke. Wish I could wrap my pecker around my shoulder lime that. Damn I just keep tripping over it. Well I guess I'll never get it in my ear...lol...Ns
 

Nevil

Breeder
'If there's one thing I've learned during my
intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis
over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'
Edit/Delete Message
Hilarious! Of course, my penis has never been the same after growing heritage broccoli.
N.
 
I know the problem reagading looping your dick....Same happend one early morning at my summer house,i've just looped my Anaconda in the outdoor sink to give him a good washing..scrubbing away i hear my old neighbour jelling..that was a big one..looks like a snake.....well i just said,this is nothing, he always shrinks when i have to wash him in COLDWATER...
 

Smokin Moose

New member
Nevil is my age and he would remember the little ditty on the one eyed trouser snake - The Adventures of Barry McKenzie

Typical of bawdy ballads, "One-eyed trouser snake" is an Aussie sexual boasting song:

Come all you little sheilas
And listen to me song
The moral of the trouser snake
Is short as it is long
Beware of imitations
Don't lock your bedroom door
When my pyjama python bites you
You'll be screaming out for more.


The other function of the one-eyed trouser snake comes into play at the end of Adventures when Bazza's mates extinguish a television studio fire by urinating on it while simultaneously singing the song and drinking copious amounts of Foster Lager to maintain an adequate supply of urine.
 
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noshow

Well-known member
hahaha

I guess it's the older guys here with all of the good humor...like aged cheese..A fine wine...It gets better with time maybe?...Ns
 

tommy2js

New member
What the 1st thing to go through a Fly's mind when it hit a car window? his asshole / whats a grasshopper with aids ? asshopper
 

Nevil

Breeder
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. When she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "I'm not finished yet."

As a breeder, you never seem to be finished. It's a bit like that movie "Groundhog Day". I thought that was a great movie, which took on more significance when I realised groundhog day was my birthday.
N.
 

MasterTrooper

New member
Hi All!
Hey Nev that a good one!

I got one!

Green House Seeds.co :D:D:D LMAO

It a old one! It not me who invented this one! must be #.

MT
 

noshow

Well-known member
Hahaha

Mastertrooper,

Greenhouse has a seed co.? Hmm news to me...lol...Ns

add: Next thing your going to tell me is they are growing out Shanti's work, and feminizing clones of it...Ns
 
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?

"#"

Guest
a survey carried out last week,


revealed six out of seven dwarfs!.














said they were not DOPEY!.:D








#
 

Ronin

New member
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. When she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "I'm not finished yet."

As a breeder, you never seem to be finished. It's a bit like that movie "Groundhog Day". I thought that was a great movie, which took on more significance when I realised groundhog day was my birthday.
N.
On Ms. Jones' first day teaching 1st grade at an inner city she was playing a game asking the kids what sounds different things make -

"What sound does a train make?" asked Ms J, "Kelly?"

"Chugachuga ,Woowoo" replies Kelly.

"What sound does a dog make?" Ms J inquires, "Nathan?"

"Woof woof" responds Nathan

"What sound does a pig make?" Ms Jones asks, "Tony?"

Tony answers confidently, "Hands on the hood, , motherfucker!"
 

Dr. LittleDeath

New member
This actually happened. I saw it in the paper myself.
An old man rang the police to report two burglars in his garden shed.
They replied "We're too busy to send anyone out sir".
Two minutes later he rang again.
"Don't worry I've just shot them both."
One minute later lots of police arrived to find two live burglars.
"I thought you said you shot them?"
"I thought you said you had no one available."

Dr. LD
 

noshow

Well-known member
smoking crab

That is funny. Now I want to see the bull riding monkey...lol...Ns

Smoking Crab sounds like a good strain name...Ns
 
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