Joke thread

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A gay man walks into a cowboy bar in texas and orders a beer. The bartender says his kind isn't liked around here so to sit in the corner and mind his own business. A little while later a rancher walks in and says to the bartender, "I'm so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a bulls balls!" So the gay man says from the corner, "Moo Moo buck-a-roo!"
 
BB

BB,

Like moose said. That was funny brotha. I used to play a joke like that on my buds. Open the top of a soda bottle. Friend kept asking me why I put it back on the bottle just to take it off. I did that a dozen times, or so. Finally was asked what I was doing. I said the cap underneath said no winner please try again. So I kept tryin...lol...did that pretty baked one day...Ns
 
hi

Josh as a father of three. I can say... You will go to your grave trying the second part...lol
 
Hahaha

Good one friend...Here's one from when Bush Sr was president.

I can't spell the one guy's name right so here goes...

What do Dukakis, and pantyhose have in common?

They irritate the Bush
 
LOL, Here's my reflection on the bush era.... Good Times(not)....



You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?
 
Jesus H

Josh good god...that's like the game of pool. You hold your stick while shooting at balls at the .... Wait starting to sound fruity...lol

Your was better I am thinking opiate humor not funny...
 
LOL.... Thanks Noshow,


A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."
 
hi dtopaz1

Hi friend,

Doesn't matter really is it is a joke, or not. If it is funny. Then it is funny. Thank you for the link. Be well...Ns


After thinking about it. Here is a link to something I love. It is a very cute, but deadly mini cannon. I laughed watching it...Ns


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi4g_U0hoOg
 
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During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
 
A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and
began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."
 
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
 
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
 
Game of Intelligence

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
 
2 Aliens looking at earth from their ship:

(1st alien)
"Ya know, for as intelligent as these humans are they sure are stupid"

(2nd alien)
"Hows that"

(1st alien)
"Well, they've got the technology to protect themselves from outside threats but their weapons are pointed at themselves"
 
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