Joke thread


Well-known member
*borrowed* from another site.

* My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.

* As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, one thing I am sure of... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

* Me: Sobbing my heart out, "I cannot see you anymore...I am not going to let you hurt me again.”
Trainer: "Are you certain? It was only one sit-up.”

* Sorry, I haven't done anything today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

* Turns out that being a “Senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

* Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, "That can't be accurate?”

* I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

* Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words: defense, defeat, detail.
Student: When a horse jumps over defense, defeat go first.....and then detail.

* God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.

* I am on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

* Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation, "Maybe next time," is not the correct response.

* I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

* Felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS blurted out, "You have reached your final destination."

* My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs; three of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

* Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling, and I'm still alive.